● This One’s For You, E. {aka Tug}

 Sometimes I hate him.                                          {Feb.2011}                                

Sometimes I just hate him for withholding what he knows I desperately want or need.. .
his direction, command, or even just some plain attention.
I had concerns that I had disappointed him – a big deal to me- and asked him to address that.  He didn’t, and seemed purposefully vague after taking  3 days to respond to my
heartfelt emotions.
 So I start running my imagination and fears in overtime and  I  sense he is going to
dis-engage.. .no mention from him of even wanting any future times together..
.
I made the mistake long ago of showing him All I feel and fear in my open honesty              and  I think he just plays with that knowledge for his  perverse  amusement..
.
He can be  such a cold-hearted prick at times.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – — – – – – – – – – – –
It was the beginning of The  End–but The End was closing in faster  than I knew.
He had already taken another sub, leaving me dangling, oblivious. . .
Reading this when I felt nostalgic for him, missing him. .helped cure me of that.
In the passing of time I came to know he was not a good Dom, not worthy of my             devotion, and not even a good person. A  liar and cruel manipulator.

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